Updated: Feb 26, 2020
What is the feeling or emotion associated with being “in control”.
Initially, maybe your first thought might be peace, or calm, or a seemingly positive emotion, I mean, that’s what we’re all looking for, right? But let’s take a little longer to notice what being “in control” really feels like.
Control implies that there is one way to do something, that only one outcome is acceptable. It’s the thought that if things don’t go as planned, then something has gone wrong.
In a world where everything is always changing, a world where we can’t control the weather or traffic or illness or other people’s actions. Insisting that there is only one acceptable outcome to any situation is a guarantee for suffering. Even when things are going “right” there’s always a sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop. We can’t even relax when things are going our way, because we’re holding on so tight to that.
Obviously we’re going to have preferences, and make goals and plans to support our first choice for our life experiences. But to put all of your happiness into the hands of fate is not only going to lead to disappointment, but it takes away all of your power over your own life.
Control is a product of the fear-centered part of our brain. Think about it this way, do you need to be in control if the outcome can’t hurt you? And hurt and fear are relative here. For example, fear of judgment is subtle but still a huge factor in a lot of our decision making.
What are the things you are trying to control? Most of the time we are trying to control the behaviors of others. Let that sink in.
Imagine how it must feel to those you’re trying to control? Imagine how you would feel knowing that someone was always trying to control your behaviors.
Even when this control comes from a place of love, it’s not loving. It shows a lack of trust in others, a lack of trust in God, the universe, or whoever your higher power is, and a lack of trust in yourself that you can manage whatever circumstances life throws at you.
While your fear-based ego-mind is trying to convince you that bring in control will bring you peace and happiness, the reality is that the only real peace can come from recognizing that you have no control. And that is a good thing. It takes so much pressure off of you!
What if you just stopped resisting unexpected outcomes? What if you just let the tides take you where they do? That doesn’t mean you don’t direct your path, it doesn’t mean you don’t make plans and goals, but it’s exhausting to try and control the world, and to be constantly disappointed when you can’t.
Think about what you’re trying to control. Ask yourself, what will happen if you let go of that control? Then ask your self, So what?
And really go down the path of what’s the worst that could happen? And if it happened, then what would you do? Make a plan for the worst. Then if it happens, you’re prepared. And if it doesn’t happen, you’re pleasantly surprised. And realize that either way, you’re going to make it.
That is where the peace comes from. Not from being in control, but from being comfortable in the knowing that you’re not in control.
Want a little more help learning to find peace not being in control? I’d love to help you. Schedule a call with me and we'll see if we're a good fit. I can’t wait to hear from you.
Not ready for a consult but want to join the conversation? I'd love for you to join our Clara Bella Wellness Community on Facebook. It's a welcoming and nurturing space for women to learn from and support one another. We'd love to have you there.