This morning I found out that something that I was looking forward to, that I had hoped would happen wasn’t going to happen, at least not the way I’d imagined. I felt sad and disappointed and kind of frustrated thinking to myself, “this is typical, I never get what I want..” (which is not a fact, by the way, but a story I felt like indulging at the moment).
And I knew there was nothing I could do to change the outcome back to what I wanted and that reality and my expectations were just not going to match up.
There was nothing I could do, I just had to accept reality. Which sucks. And made me a little mad. Because it’s not what I wanted. Because what I wanted was important to me.
But I sat there observing the path of my thoughts and feelings, from a little mad, to frustration, to disappointment, to sad (and allowing some tears because it felt really hard) to gradual acceptance and thinking about what is actually supposed to happened based on the reality of the situation.
Thinking how I can let go (once I’ve allowed myself to feel the crappy feelings and acknowledge that those feelings are valid) and be open to the new possibilities that I haven’t even considered because I was zeroed in on my own desired outcome.
I’m still disappointed. Because my plan was a really great one. But it wasn’t God’s or the universe’s plan, and I have to trust that.
Faith in a power greater than myself is a comfort. It’s tough to think we have to have all the answers and we better not screw up. I can do the best with what I know but ultimately I find peace knowing that because of - or in spite of my best laid plans, things are going to happen the way they’re going to happen.
Finding the joy and sometimes the lesson in the unexpected outcomes is where growth and peace come from.
And some disappointments are harder than others and some lessons hurt more to learn. But that’s part of the human experience.
We only feel really bad when we know the contrast of what really good feels like.
And just like good doesn’t last forever neither does bad. They’ll both be back, sometimes the feelings are really big and sometimes not as big as we expected.
And then we’ll do it all over again, only with the lessons and experience of the last time to guide us.
Growth comes from being an observer of the process, knowing we get to decide how we feel, allowing ourselves to feel, and choosing how we react and respond to our circumstances in the way that best serves us.
As for me, I can’t wait to see what the new outcome is here. It’s gonna be pretty amazing, I’m sure of it. Probably even better that what I had in mind. I believe that because I can choose to believe whatever I want, so why not choose that.